The Velveeta Paradox: A Marketing Conundrum

My wife gave me a short list of groceries to pick up on my way home from work last week. One of the items that proved to be elusive was the Velveeta cheese. As I searched up and down the aisles at Safeway I started thinking about the implications involved with where a store stocker places this non-cheese. For some reason the experience has stuck with me through the week. I keep coming back to it because I think it illustrates the “gray area” that marketer’s often find themselves when the try to do “the right thing.” Let me explain…

The Velveeta Paradox
If you owned a grocery store, where would you stock the Velveeta cheese? This question seems simple enough, but let me walk you through the moral implications embedded in this seemingly simple question…

Answer 1: The Dairy Aisle
It seems logical to stock Velveeta with the other cheeses. This is the first place a customer will typically look when searching for Velveeta. In case you didn’t know, Velveeta isn’t truly a cheese and doesn’t need to be refrigerated. This raises some problems. First, since dairy products need to be refrigerated it costs more for you to keep the product here. How do you pay for this extra cost? Do you markup the product and charge the customer for the luxury of finding the product where they expect it? Is it deceptive to sell imitation cheese as if it were actually cheese?

Answer 2: Near the Dairy Aisle
If you choose a location close to the dairy aisle you face a different moral conundrum. The nature of the refrigerated section of the grocery store is that there rarely will be a good spot near the cheese. If there is a shelf in eye sight of the cheese, chances are the items found here will not be a context where you would look to find cheese. Stacking bricks of Velveeta between loaves of bread or between coffee grounds puts the macaroni lubricant severely out of context. If you truly value your customers you won’t want them to miss the location and walk aimlessly around the store for hours. Or perhaps you are the kind of person who would hide the cheese intentionally so that customers will load their cart up with other non-essentials as they search for the holy grail of cheese products.

Answer 3: The End Cap
To compensate for the lack of visibility caused by taking Velveeta out of the context of the cheese section you may decide that an end cap is the best place to stock your loafs of lard. End caps, however, are the prime real estate in the store. Can you afford to give up this space (and possible revenue) just to make the orange jelly easier to find?

Answer 4: The Chip Aisle
Since imitation cheese is a common ingredient in dips, it might make sense to stock it in the chip aisle with the junk food. You are now presented with a different type of question. Velveeta has very few redeeming health merits. If you are concerned about the health of your customers, should you really be promoting I-can’t-believe-its-not-cheese in the first place? How do you avoid feeling guilty about providing a substance that kills people?

Answer 5: The Cigarette Counter
If your conscience gets the best of you, guilt might cause you to pull the toxic cubes off the shelves all together. Perhaps the cigarette counter is a more appropriate spot. You can add warning labels, age restrictions, and generally make people feel guilty about buying the irresistible yellow sludge. This would of course have the negative side effect of offending the responsible Velveeta user who uses it in moderation in the privacy of their own home.

Answer 6: Anywhere Else
There aren’t any other places left in the store that make sense to put the artery arsenic. Again, if you value your customer’s time it has to be in a place where they know to look. Additionally, as a store owner you will lose sales on Velveeta if people can’t find it. Can you afford to put it somewhere where it won’t be found?

I hope you found this analogy entertaining. As funny as it sounds, these are the kind of moral decisions that we all have to make on a daily basis. Although advertisers are often lumped into the same category as politicians and lawyers when it comes to measuring the “most loathed human beings,” almost all the marketers I have ever known have been good honest people. For the most part, the average human has nothing but good intentions when it comes to their careers. We want to help people. We want to produce quality products that people will find useful. We want to invest our lives in things that we consider good. Inevitable this will eventually put you in a catch-22 situation. Sometimes there just isn’t a safe answer to questions like these. If you are sincerely trying to be a good person you will regularly be confronted with situations that compromise your integrity. What do you do when you are between a rock and a hard place?

By the way, I am giving out high-fives to anyone who leaves a comment with a good slang phrase for Velveeta. I think my favorite so far is “the holy grail of cheese products.”

Oh, and if you were wondering where Velveeta actually gets stocked, you will usually find it in the refrigerated dairy section next to the other cheeses. You can be sure that the store passes the unnecessary refrigeration cost on to you…

This entry was posted on Friday, November 6th, 2009 at 9:31 pm and is filed under Customer Service Complaints, Design, Random Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.